Right. Before we begin. We need to address the fairy godmother situation.

Twinkle Bum has been sent to help our Cinderella and she is doing her absolute best. She really is. The problem is that her wings have been stolen by a cat. Again. This is not the first time this has happened. Her fairy friends are frankly exhausted about it. Her magic is completely off without them and she cannot turn anyone into a unicorn no matter how many times she tries and believe us, she tries. Will she find her wings? CAN SHE FIND HER WINGS? Boys and girls, if you see that cat, you know what to do!

Meanwhile, sweet Cinderella (aaaawwww!) is living with the most terrible step family in all of Storybook. Revolta Vandersnott (boooooo! hisssss!) is secretly a witch, openly a nightmare, and has just sent Cinderella out shopping for bat wings, eye of newt, and a black cauldron. Does Cinderella suspect anything? SHE DOES NOT. Does her best friend Gretel suspect everything? SHE ABSOLUTELY DOES.

Now. Revolta has a plan. Her two daughters, Hanky and Panky Vandersnott, need husbands. Between you and us... the trash man has already said no. She is going to brew a love potion, and she needs the sweat of an intended suitor to make it work. And who just happens to turn up in town?

Only HARRY WHATSUP! (yay!) Former member of One Direction. Went the other way. Dreamiest pop star this side of Storybook.

Harry meets Cinderella at Zumba. It is immediately obvious to everyone in the room that something magical is happening between them. Unfortunately Revolta gets to the love potion first, and suddenly Harry is... not himself. He is incorrigibly, catastrophically, absolutely in love with himself. It is not a good look.

Oh, and Cinderella's father isn't actually in Tahiti. He sells snow blowers. Nobody who sells snow blowers has business in Tahiti. She hired a detective to find him. The detective’s name is Stew Pidman and we'll say no more.

Will the spiders ever stop dancing the tango long enough for anyone to clean the kitchen? Will Hanky and Panky ever find love, or at minimum a fitbit that fits? Will Harry snap out of it in time? Will Twinkle Bum get it together before any of that matters?

There is also a very large spider with a solo number and we feel you should be emotionally prepared for that.

Come on in. Just don't touch the cauldron.